Matt J Olsen

17 things I've learned recently (or maybe already knew)

I’ve been through a lot of crap and hurt the past couple of months (it always seems to pile up at once, doesn’t it?) Some of it continues, but through attempting to help others and myself, I’ve learned a thousand new things. Here are 17 of them:

1.) A very wise woman once said, ” There’s a time for spontaneity and a time for routine. You don’t have to have all one or the other.” In fact, the two compliment each other because each makes the other easier to appreciate and enjoy.

2.) I’ve learned that routines have to be embraced because they’re one of the best ways to help manage this modern life. But I’ve also learned to not view them as routines, but as traditions and comfortable, predictable things. These traditions definitely take some getting used to, but it’s not hard to learn to love them for they ultimately make life easier and more organized.  Make them fun and see their usefulness.

They’re not for everything (read #1 again!), but they can help certain aspects of life.  @zarkinfrood made a good point, though: “Don’t let yourself fall into a rut. Too much routine, and you might lose sight of the little magic.”

3.) I’ve learned to embrace changes and stressors in life as positive challenges & opportunities for growth instead of seeing them as barriers or empasses.

4.) Drinking heavily does not ultimately relieve your stress or sorrows. It only does temporarily. As soon as the alcohol effects wear off, all of the crap returns but it’s a lot worse because your brain is no longer functioning at 100% and alcohol makes it harder for you to sleep. To remove the stress, you have to address the cause.

5.) Life is quite short. And the older you get, the faster it seems to pass. Stop letting opportunities pass you by because you’re scared you’re not ready for them. Stop wasting your time. Sack up; this is life

6.) It’s so easy to set things aside and promise to get to them tomorrow. But you don’t know what tomorrow will hold or if tomorrow will even come.

7.) Love, love, love! Love is so important. Give yourself to someone, but don’t give UP yourself for someone. Share everything with someone you love and who loves you back; your fears, your achievements, your good times, your bad times, your passions, your feelings, your soul, your everything.

8.) Love is a decision and an action. You can’t expect love to just happen and keep happening all by itself. If you want it, you have to live it.

9.) The excitement and mystery of falling in love fades — every time. That’s why it’s called falling; eventually you’ll reach the ground. But the ground isn’t a pit of failure or the end of the ride; it’s a safe place where everything is more sure and stable, if you allow it. Consider this:

“At the start, there was mystery: What does a smile mean? Will our love be returned? Now, we know. The smile holds not mystery but meaning: together, we go forward. The gaze of love holds not a question, but an answer: refreshed, love endures.” -Psychology Today

10.) Don’t be afraid to ask for help. No one will think you’re weak or incapable. We all need help at times.

11.) Don’t be scared of the unknown. It’s our natural instinct to be, but it’s also in our nature to be curious and push into the unknown. With great risk comes reward.

12.) Pay attention to your feelings, but also pay attention to reason. The best decisions combine both. But you have to first completely separate the two before you can bring them back together.

13.) Don’t ignore your feelings — EVER. If they’re confusing, take some time and try to understand them, but never ever ignore them or make rash decisions.

Along the lines of not ignoring them, don’t be afraid to express and share your feelings.  If you’re dealing with emotional strife, it can help A LOT to write them down or tell them to someone!  When you verbalize your emotions, they instantly become clearer.

14.) You never stop learning. Embrace this and accept that your ways are not always right or the best ways.

15.) Anything worth having is worth trying your hardest for. Not everything worth having requires hard work, but you have to be prepared to work to keep it if you value it.

16.) Always put in 100% if you don’t want to have any regrets. If you try your hardest and succeed, then good for you. If you try your hardest and fail, then you can hold your head high knowing you did everything you possibly could do. Failure is not failure if you tried your hardest and learned something.

17.) “Lord, grant me the strength to change that which I can, the ability to accept that which I cannot, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Sometimes, there’s nothing you can do to help someone. You can ask the right questions and give the right information, but the answers sometimes must come from within that person. Often, people have to help themselves and learn their own lessons; you just have to have faith and hope that they will.

If all of this can be realized in just a couple [very long] months, think what lessons a lifetime holds!

What lessons would you like to share?  www.facebook.com/mattjolsen

Bonus lessons from friends:

• Audrey: Even the very worst times imaginable end and they ultimately are a huge part of what helps you make life better and make you appreciate good times more.